bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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