apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
