She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
