just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
