There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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