I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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