I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
