how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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