Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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