I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
