your parents love me but you hate me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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