Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
