I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
