ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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