do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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