mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
