The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
