It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
