You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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