I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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