Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
