so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
