paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
