My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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