Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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