She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
