So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
