Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
