Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
