Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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