i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
