saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
