Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am one with the molecules
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize