I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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