Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
