What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
