I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
