These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
