First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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