apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
