Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
