You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
