You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
