I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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