Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude i'm inner monologue high
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
