thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
