Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
