Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
