your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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