Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
