I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize