oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
