sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
