Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
