i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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