I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
