just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
