how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
