drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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