My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
