I want to walk on stilts...naked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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