Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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