God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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