I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
