Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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