im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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